Tag: humor/comedy
Comics and webcomics you should check out. Read the full page
Those who stretches old video games into widescreen.
There should be a public execution for each one of those streamers/youtubers.
Considering that the rooster actually makes a desperate, hoarse sound like “H-H-HghdtrrrrOOOOOOOOOOUUuuh-OOOOOOOOUUUUUuuh”, the very invention of “cock-a-doodle-doo” instead of some “trou-trou” already says a lot about the mandatory optimism built into social structures.
Not to mention the sheep, which is basically a demon.
I think I have postpartum depression. It started right after I was born.
From the internet.
SMBC – This life is a prison
Also see: Continue reading
Volunteering is the way, kek. Read the full page
*Watching a scenery IRL*
Pia: It’s like something from a painting.
Davis: That’s because people paint landscapes.
Black Mirror S06E02 “Loch Henry”
Basically, the whole point of the 4090 is to fuck Claire Redfield in VR.
Existential Comics #501[🡕] Continue reading
Laško is the answer to existence.
u/WanderingUrist
I’m unclear as to why self-worth is necessary or meaningful. If you need to engage in self-delusion to delude yourself into believing in another delusion, you are probably better off with just dropping all of it.
(expanding from Wittgenstein)
The digits of π are just a buffer overflow in the nonsense of language.
People have the -v option enabled by default.
And it’s insane for how long they need to explain something to someone else, and this someone else can even end up understanding nothing whatsoever. We’re talking 1 minute vs. 30 minutes.
Oh god. I’ve woke up in my shoes.
Those who do drugs, it’s just because they forget that you can stretch your limbs.
(Speaking about abortion and guns)
Welcome to right wing America, where if you want to end a young life, you have to shoot them.
Bill Maher, Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)[🡕]
My personality with the pills from The Matrix
Memez are fun. Read the full page
Translated from Italian by me (WTFPL).
What really busts my balls is the cheerfulness of morning radio shows.
Natalino Balasso, YouTube, @Telebalasso, clippino di ottobre[🡕]
[young people] went out there to stop discrimination – not all discrimination, just some of it… Which is a weird form of discrimination, but…
Louis C.K. – “Sorry” special
It’s like when you have a toothache and you curse yourself for all the times you felt fine and didn’t fully appreciate how great it was not to have a toothache, and you promise yourself that if there’s ever another day in your life when you don’t have a toothache, you’ll spend at least half of every day you have left reflecting on how great it is not to have a toothache, and you certainly won’t complain about stupid things anymore, like, I don’t know, noisy neighbors or not being able to find a parking space – my God, how wonderful it is to not find a parking space without a toothache!
Astutillo Smeriglia in his blog “In coma è meglio” (“Being in a Coma is Better”) – Il famoso asteroide (“The Famous Asteroid”)
Translated from Italian by me (WTFPL).
Artists are expensive because they do drugs and have to deal with costly divorces.
Natalino Balasso, YouTube, Redbox, episode 1
It’s like with human life: if you’re lucky enough to reach old age, the phases of your life will be: birth, childhood, puberty, masturbation, masturbation with a partner, pathetic attempts at masturbation, and death.
Astutillo Smeriglia in his blog “In coma è meglio” (“Being in a Coma is Better”) – Come nasce una teoria del complotto (“How a Conspiracy Theory is Born”)
The superego is a structure soluble in alcohol.
The first psychologists, in the 1960s, when they introduced psychology in Italy (as Galimberti recounts in an interview).
The first meeting with Alcoholics Anonymous unsettles you not because they are alcoholics, but because they are anonymous.
Massimiliano Parente, ilgiornale.it[🡕]
The infamous VLC logo – My thread in the official forum
It’s undeniable that VLC’s logo is the worst logo in the entire history of software. Read the full page
Every singer, poet, or writer has ninety-nine “love” at their disposal, after which they die.
Astutillo Smeriglia in his blog “In coma è meglio” (“Being in a Coma is Better”) – Proposte per un mondo migliore (“Proposals for a Better World”)
Translated from Italian by me (WTFPL).
I don’t want to tell you clichés like “be yourself”, because it’s clear that if you’re an idiot, being yourself won’t help you.
Natalino Balasso, YouTube, 2015 New Year’s Eve Speech[🡕]
Living with a woman is like sharing a bed with the CIA: nothing is secret.
Love
When I said to him: “Professor Morgenbesser, why is there something rather than nothing?”
And he said, “Oh, even if there was nothing, you still wouldn’t be satisfied.”
TED – Why does the universe exist? – Jim Holt
The first time I watched Buffalo ’66 – Matteo Gagliardi
https://www.vice.com/it/article/znj883/buffalo-66-vincent-gallo[🡕] Continue reading
– So, tell me. Why do you want to kill yourself so badly? Mummy and daddy, they didn’t love you enough?
– No, it had nothing to do with anything like that.
– It has everything to do with “anything like that”.
The Suicide Theory
Money doesn’t buy you happiness, it just buys you a lot of therapy to talk about why you’re not happy.
Castro in Grand Theft Auto V
What we should do is take all the mentally defective people in this country and give them government jobs, and just sit back and watch things improve.
George Carlin quoting a joke by his brother Patrick – “Unmasked” interview, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-clvDxl8qI[🡕]
Translated from Italian by me (WTFPL).
And if you don’t win [at the slot machines], try asking yourself a question: if you were lucky, do you really think you’d be working in a call center?
Natalino Balasso, “Balasso testimonial videopoker”[🡕]
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. But it takes a lot of time and money, and the bulb has got to really want to change.
Sala samobĂłjcĂłw / Suicide Room
Doug Stanhope – The sad reality of sex
Doug Stanhope – 2010, live in Kansas City
Full show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwkoItmdQj4[🡕]
Type a personal message, drown in your baggage.
(MSN avatar-info parody)
– …because next year you’re not going to see me, you know.
– Oh, so you are in fact retiring. Lucky you, prof…
– What?! You shouldn’t say such a thing, you are young!
An ex-classmate
Often, journalists or even in casual conversations, I have been asked the question: why do you write? Normally, I answer, and it is the truth, that there are two reasons of great importance. The first has to do with the need not to have a boss. The second, not to get up early. I think everyone would agree that these are not only important things but also, in general, difficult to achieve.
Javier MarĂas
There’s no RL, only AFK.
If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis-informed.
Often attributed to Mark Twain, but origin unverified
The Elegance of the Hedgehog – Muriel Barbery
Lastly, teenagers think they’re adults when in fact they’re imitating adults who never really made it into adulthood and who are running away from life. It’s pathetic. Read the full page
I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don’t let anybody tell you different.
Kurt Vonnegut – A Man Without a Country
Translated from Italian by me (WTFPL).
Pirandello proposed, among the alternative solutions to the problems of existence, murder, suicide, or madness; nowadays, in an age of frantic synergies, we must combine the different possibilities, so we must become completely mad, kill the highest possible number of individuals, and then finally commit suicide.
Carl William Brown (Bruno Mensi)
Out of the womb, into the tomb.
Dear life, when I said “can my day get any worse,” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
Unkown source
You and me, baby, ain’t nothin’ but mammals So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Bloodhound Gang – The Bad Touch
I knew a guy who was dyslexic… but he was also cross-eyed… so everything came out right.
Gummo
Shut me in, Levante. Shut me in.
Libero (Massimo Ceccherini) inside the casket, in The Cyclone
A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.
The Liars’ Club – Mary Karr
– Have you ever seen a dead body?
– Only me own.
Naked
Hope is the last thing to die… but it’s always the first to fuck you over.
Italian saying
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin – Doin’ It Again
Every jumbled pile of person has a thinking part that wonders what the part that isn’t thinking isn’t thinking of
They Might Be Giants – Where Your Eyes Don’t Go
The first 90 percent of the code accounts for the first 90 percent of the development time. The remaining 10 percent of the code accounts for the other 90 percent of the development time.
The “ninety-ninety rule” in software engineering.
After you finish the first 90% of a project, you have to finish the other 90%.
Shorter and more general variant.
(Facing a huge ghost)
– Sorry, Venkman. I’m terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.
Egon in “Ghostbusters”
It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of finding a sickness you like.
Jackie Mason
The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
Douglas Adams – The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
If on a winter’s night a traveler – Italo Calvino
The ultimate meaning to which all stories refer has two faces: the continuity of life, the inevitability of death. Read the full page
Translated with the help of LLMs from the Florentine dialect (WTFPL).
We are that breed that’s never quite alright, jump ditches by day, skip dinner by night. I’ll shout it loud till I’m hoarse and dry: we barely get laid even though we try. We’re the ones who pack the cinema tight, to see naked girls, jerkin’ off all night.
Yet nature still whispers, through valley and hill, that caterpillars can fly, if they’ve got the will. But we’re the breed that defies all the rules: born as worms… still worms we stay, like fools. We’ve been fucked by misery, went in raw, no glove: didn’t pull out clean, now we’re stuck with bad love.
Bozzone in “Berlinguer, I Love You” (Giuseppe Bertolucci)
– I’m so happy to meet you, Kaspar. Tell me, what was it like in that dark cellar of yours?
– Better than outside!
The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Robert A. Heinlein – Time Enough for Love
When I torment myself a little too much for not working, I tell myself that I might just as well be dead and that then I would be working still less…
Emil Cioran – The Trouble With Being Born
Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.
Allen Saunders, Reader’s Digest magazine
Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.
Ronald Laing
Life is a sexually transmitted disease that slowly leads to death.
A different version, from the Internet
I have the courage. It’s fear that gets the better of me.
Totò as Figaro in “Figaro qua, Figaro là ” (“Figaro Here, Figaro There”)
There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.
Albert Schweitzer (unconfirmed)
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
Jerome K. Jerome – Three Men in a Boat
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
Mark Twain
Out of the womb, into the tomb.
(and variants)
Also see the crazy Xbox ad.