Schizoid personality: YouTube videos and comments
Table of contents
Quotes from videos
Schizoid Angst
Schizoid Angst ā Schizoid Ramble: Emptiness and Advocacy 2023/03/25
Some of that discouragement for me (ed. in advocating for SzPD awareness, etc.) comes from seeing this world lacking in a plethora of metacognitive skills. Even the institutions themselves that discuss mental health ā papers, researchers, those that present themselves as being scientifically minded, unbiased, and focus entirely on a description of the nature of certain things regarding mental health and neurodivergency ā are constantly lacking so much metacognition that the very papers, the very pieces of research I read make that very appearent. And the people doing such work in the therapeutic world and otherwise donāt have any idea itās happening. They donāt even know. So much so that Iāve seen forms of therapy that are attempting to instill metacognition in many of those that suffer with psychosis and many of those that are considered schizo-spectrumā¦ When metacognition is the reason those people are sometimes crippled, mentally crippled by the world that they inhabit. But still, they try to produce more of it, only in a direction that would make them more functional, more available, more compliant to a society that they already oftentimes perceive as being run by mad men, and supported by cowardice, fear, death, fear of worthlessness, fear of invalidation. And in name of those things, the banality of evil grows and grows and grows.
Schizoid Stream: Shame is a B%$ch 2022/05/18
I think for a lot of schizoids, weāre dealing with a fuck ton of shame that fucks us up on the daily or that we canāt face or that we pile on, all kinds of fucking cope to not face because itās fucked. And Iām not saying you should face it ācause itās like some big guilt that you have to come to terms with, no: itās because it hurts and the world in some regard or another, whether itās an individual or the world around you, it created enough abuse and trauma that instilled a sense of shame inside you, regardingā¦ Ā«What the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you? Why the fuck do you matter?Ā» And itās so fucking gross and itās so fucking rough.
Schizoid Stream: Schizoid Fantasy 2022/06/15
I would consider cluster A ādown badā to be like: Ā«I wish I could somehow turn the carnal instantiation that is considered to be coitus, and conjoin with another being in this universe in an existential and spiritual fashion in which our bodies and mind become one.Ā» Youāre existentially down bad, lol.
Schizoid Angst ā Schizoid talk with Dr. Daniel Winarick 2022/06/10
(The concept of the working memory deficit.)
DestroyerMariko
I Have Schizoid Personality Disorder 2022/01/15
- 26:13[š”] the problems with hobbies
- 32:37[š”] rationality is always there
- 36:28[š”] breaking down
- 38:02[š”] socializing online
- 40:10[š”] without emotions, youāre left with logic
- 43:00[š”] not many schizoids do videos
- 44:17[š”] not having an identity
- 45:36[š”] fitting in a community
- 46:33[š”] not caring
- 47:53[š”] a lot of schizoids donāt seek treatment because they donāt see anything wrong with their worldview; still, we are depressed, so, yeahā¦; Iām probably always going to be dependent on my parents; disability pension
Schizoid āTreatmentā Update 2022/02/07
- 3:40[š”] employment
- 4:01[š”] living with parents
- 6:07[š”] not telling publicly your plans
- 7:51[š”] acting and not caring
- 9:26[š”] nihilism and fatalism; a typical schizoid talk
- 11:45[š”] missing that substratum of emotions that makes you care about this brief existence
- 12:10[š”] the problems with suicide
- 12:47[š”] so, what to do?
- 13:14[š”] goals; pretending to care
- 13:54[š”] bluepill for the schizoid
- 14:35[š”] schizoids donāt comment
- 15:38[š”] holding to a goal
- 16:55[š”] enduring jobs
- 18:11[š”] set number of work hours
- 19:26[š”] alienation; like a robot; āobserverā of life
- 20:22[š”] disability pension
Anhedonia and Adrenaline 2022/02/22
- 12:34[š”] whatās the point; working in such a state of mind
āThe Truthā Release and 2000 Subs Celebration Stream 2022/03/30
- 54:57[š”] watching movies
- 55:56[š”] until at least 57:18: reality is dull; wanting to be productive in our arts, but too much pressure (and OCD, I would add) giving proper attention to fiction
3 Months Later ā Processing SPD 2022/04/10
- 28:10[š”] Ā«In the past I tried to do the, you know, actually timetabling during the day, but I canāt, I think I need to have one thing I focus on each day. Often, like, if I have an appointment in the middle of the day, I canāt think about anything else.Ā»
Disconnection and Life Stress ā Marikoās Midnight Musings #9 2022/07/12
- 12:19[š”] onward: permanent teenager mode (and canāt handle not even that); when the parents die, then what?; suicidal thoughts: why stay alive through all this?; getting old; euthanasia; no future; the world is a big mess; anhedonia; doing things but not knowing why (ed. distraction and slight enjoyment)
6 Months Later ā SPD, Therapy, Trauma, Lifeā¦ 2022/07/30
- 40:00[š”] having an idea of a possible path (obviously art), but still not āfeeling itā
- 42:10[š”] animals; my answer:
Ā«Itās because people are fake (especially involuntarily), while animals are not prisoners of all the bullshit and nonsensical social norms. Itās as simple as that. You can come across a cat, you can smell each other, and then cuddle together. You canāt do that with human beings, not even in those groups that pretend to be āfreeā / hippy, etc. Furthermore, people TALK, which is a terrible con, especially since they talk about completely meaningless things, in any frame of reference.Ā»
- 58:52[š”] must multi-task, otherwise we get bored
I donāt know who I am or what I wantā¦ disappointment, music 2024/02/10
- 0:40[š”] canāt stick to hobbies
- 1:02[š”] and thatās frustrating, because you have no anchor
- 3:33[š”] computer stuff, doing the art, doing the tech, but canāt focus on one single thing; Ā«Oh my god, she has so much potential!Ā», but I just canāt stick to anything
- 4:55[š”] makeup as a hobby for a while, and then Ā«Oh, why did I buy all that stuffā¦Ā»
- 5:22[š”] doing things just to pass the time
- 5:35[š”] SzPD comes with anhedonia, so I basically trick myself into wanting things, ācause how else am I supposed to function? What else am I gonna do, like, I exist, I exist in the physical worldā¦
- 11:46[š”] sense of duty: even though I donāt care about people I donāt want to let them down
Happy Birthday Hope and Max, and Life with Triton ā Psychology ramble 2024/05/12
- 17:32[š”] euthanasia; Iām not someone who likes existing in this world, I donāt wanna be here.
- 35:07[š”] going āautopilotā: pros and cons
- 37:14[š”] existential angst and breakdowns
Thinking of quitting therapy (again) 2024/05/31
- 7:04[š”] I know nothing about being an adult; I filled up petrol for the first time by myself in maybe eight years
- 9:44[š”] if you can convince the government that youāre that screwed upā¦ If I knew how badly I was doing, maybe I wouldnāt be able to get out of bed ā which has happened to me in the past
- 10:56[š”] at a point where I just say harsh truth stuff to my parents, like that I donāt want to be alive
- 11:55[š”] the home environment is the same one that in the infancy contributed to the development of SzPD, but I cannot leave here without worsening my depressionā¦ And:
- 12:29[š”] the idea of having to handle everything is worse than just continuing to put up with the current situation
- 13:25[š”] I canāt escape this situation, and no amount of therapy is going to change that
- 31:42[š”] kek
- 31:54[š”] I donāt know what else to do
- 32:04[š”] āthe job problemā; what to work for?
- 32:29[š”] my brain is constantly switching between different ideas and interests and hobbies, and so how do I find just one thing to do? Thatās the problem with jobsā¦
- 33:50[š”] the psychology profession is so disappointing
Can I think my way out of mental illness? 2024/06/20
- 3:08[š”] the physical part of mental illness
Schizoid vs Autism, āhigh functioningā, biases, and related rambling 2024/06/26
- 35:40[š”] special interests and anhedonia; we donāt have that kind of reward cycle
Schizoid vs Introversion (vs Avoidant vs Autism etc and how to tell) 2024/07/03
- 13:33[š”] grief for my life
Life Update ā 7 August 2024 2024/08/07
- 52:15[š”] covert behavior, smiling, etc.
I went speed dating so you donāt have toā¦ (Schizoid perspective) 2024/10/06
- 47:20[š”] Is it physically and biologically possible for my brain to go through the mental shift that needs to happen for me to make a relationship work?
Update on my garbage life PART 1 2025/04/11
- 11:30[š”] people with pride in their work
- 13:11[š”] people that like compliments
Update on my garbage life PART 2 2025/04/13
- 1:05[š”] walks are actually not a good idea because you donāt keep your brain distracted and so you can exacerbate negative thoughts
- 18:41[š”] even assuming that diet is important (ed. for SzPD itās not), the work needed to prepare food is ridiculous
- 22:49[š”] we just donāt enjoy food
Oi so how weird are cars today?? o_O 2025/06/18
- 21:03[š”] āoverfunctioningā (doing too much, OCD-style)
Ryanās Logic
Living with Schizoid Personality Disorder
For me, itās likeā¦ you want to be normal, but not to the point where youāre able to master up the will to change yourself. So itās like youāre stuck in a torturous middle ground. It almost feels like you have a curse. A spiritual curse on you or something.
[ā¦]
No relationships, no job, basically living at home.
[ā¦]
I was working for the census, my boss said I was one of the top workers, but after a month I wanted to quit because you just donāt care.
Gifts of wounds and personality disorders traits ā Fiann Paul ā TEDxBend
- 3:57[š”] schizoids are those that make the civilization progress: geniuses, scientists, etc.
- 6:28[š”] mentioning āFree Soloā[š”]
- 8:11[š”] keeping ourselves busy
Comments on videos
Stuff and Stuffās schizoid personality videos
Schizoid Personality Disorder ā What Itās Like ā March 12, 2016
@66kaisersoza
Being schizoid is like sitting on a park bench watching life go by. Youāll see a young couple walking by. A family having a picnic. A large group of friends walking and laughing.
We just look and idealise them. Imagine the fun they must feel. But we know to experience that for real would be 99.99% utter tedium for us. The reality is nothing like the fantasy we created in our minds. So we choose not to take part, to not fake interest. Just exist in our own bubble
@Garentei
[ā¦] when people think you need someone to talk to and tell them your problems, so they try making you talk about how youāre feeling but thereās nothing really there to say.
DestroyerMarikoās schizoid videos
Video Blog ā May 9, 2022
Schizoid āTreatmentā Update 7/2/22
DestroyerMariko
As for books, tbh I donāt think I have the concentration span anymore, especially if itās gonna get dry. I have some non-fiction books I tried reading but I keep getting bored, and itās been ages since I could make myself sit down for some fiction, itās so hard to find stories Iām interested in these days.
I Have Schizoid Personality Disorder
DestroyerMariko
I do kinda miss some of that (ed. vivid fantasy world), but the fantasy world is sooo much better than reality that it makes me feel a lot worse when I have to be back in the real world if that makes sense. I probably never had that so vividly as you describe though, I think I tended to split between the fantasy narrative, and just sitting for hours wondering about things like what a 4-dimensional object would look like in 3-dimensional space (mathematical/spatial dimensions, rather than time as a 4th dimension). Iāve also done a lot of the one where you imagine a conversation youāre about to have, but instead of just rehearsing what you need to say, I might end up going into way too much unrealistic depth, and then of course when I have the actual conversation IRL, it never goes that way and I feel super frustrated!!
Hodoss
[we] rarely cause trouble
[ā¦]
It took me going into hard isolation for several months, then my mother begging me to go to a psychiatric clinic, to finally be diagnosed.
[ā¦]
Anyway, that feeling of knowing you canāt fit society, stop struggling and let go, itās so liberating, isnāt it? When we finally accept ourselves.
DestroyerMariko
But yeah there are a lot of times where I donāt really show what Iām thinking or feeling, and the weirdest is when my brain suppresses things in such a way that Iām not entirely conscious of whatever it is until later maybe. My brain makes me play the character I need to be at the time and itās so convincing that I believe most of it in the moment, only to find later that it was just more bullshit, and I might then end up feeling drained.
Anyway yeah itās a relief to have a justification to stop trying so hard. I know a lot of new age people are all about accepting yourself, but I still felt something like a duty(?) to recover enough to fix my life, and was frustrated that nothing ever seemed to work. But now I know why, and that itās not my fault, and itās not that I didnāt try hard enough. This is just how it is, so finally I can relax. Without that explanation, I wouldnāt be able to stop pressuring myself like I was. Itās just a shame I didnāt get to this point earlier, because Iāve already damaged a lot of what was my natural self and Iām not sure Iāll be able to get it back. And I think that might be why I feel a lot emptier than I used to.
Hodoss
In my early 20s I had a Borderline girlfriend who I loved passionately, but as you might expect it didnāt go well. I was really distressed and started consulting therapists.
[ā¦]
One of them, a psychoanalyst if I remember correctly, listened patiently to me complaining about my gf. Then one day he started the session by saying āTell me about your fatherā.
I didnāt know what to say and got so uncomfortable. I cut it off with him, not even understanding why, but it left me with a hunch there was something wrong about my father and me.
Now I understand. My father was neglectful and sometimes abusive. He had a schizophrenic brother, likely is schizoid himself, my brother went schizophrenic, and Iām schizoid in the end. It runs in the family, from genes to environmental triggers.
It took around my 30s when I started decompensating really bad (hardcore self-isolation), and got engaged with the French psychiatric system proper. But yeah, even though they told me they had a hard time figuring me out at first, as I was the first schizoid theyād actually ever seen in that clinic, they did figure me out relatively quickly (a few months) once I was in their care.
[ā¦]
A strong interest in dogs or other animals, over humans, is actually a sign of schizoidy (sic). I love dogs too. I guess itās because a dogās love is pure and absolute, unlike fickle human love.
[ā¦]
I think weāre always dissociating, more or less. The extreme example is depersonalisation/derealisation. But there are more subtle ways.
Like talking about something that really upsets us, but weāre dissociating so we talk about it in a calm and detached way.
Or we may even āmaskā, and talk about it like itās funny, find irony and dark humour in it.
I guess the term āmaskingā is somewhat misleading, itās not necessarily like we do it on purpose to hide our feelings. It might be automatic, and in the moment we might actually appreciate the irony. Laughing at our own misery, and that of humanity in general.
[ā¦]
Dissociation and āmaskingā are defense mechanisms, and are hyper-developed in schizoids. Even when we donāt want to do it, itās become second nature.
anna
And I feel like we have very similar experiences in a way.
I also think I developed this at an early age and I also think itās due to a feeling of abandonment from my parents and those I loved.
I think this led me to learn to act very normal, I can socialize without much issues, I can express emotions outwards in a natural way even though I donāt feel them, and I can make myself seem very normal.
But I have also realized that if I do this too much I slowly start going down an unstoppable spiral of exhaustion and eventually I canāt even get out of bed until I regain energy and can keep going a few weeks or months later.
[ā¦]
And I do not see anything wrong with this either. My psychologist said it is a depressive and sad way of thinking but I really do not think that.
Life and death is plain and insignificant to me.
[ā¦]
I also relate to being underweight and I have never had an eating disorder. My theory is the same as yours, we donāt eat for satisfaction we just eat to not starve. And I think that may sometimes make me eat a bit to little without noticing.
DestroyerMariko
The bit you said: Ā«I can make myself seem very normal. But I have also realized that if I do this too much I slowly start going down an unstoppable spiral of exhaustion and eventually I canāt even get out of bed until I regain energy and can keep going a few weeks or months later.Ā» OMG so much this!! And I think maybe the longer I overdo it, the longer I need to recover. Might explain why my 2015-2018 depression was so bad and drawn out. Lol Iām still piecing together all the things that finally make sense now that I have this diagnosis.
[ā¦]
Also, since you actually have a psychologist who knows what SPD is, see if they have any ideas. Youāre kinda lucky to have found that, and especially at an early age! Iām 33 only just now having this diagnosis. Iāve spent my life struggling against problems I didnāt know I had, no thanks to that terrible psych who dismissed everything about me. I know it still sucks, but at least you wonāt make as many mistakes as me. I tried so hard to find somewhere to fit in, only to keep falling on my face into depression. But with this disorder, we kinda donāt fit anywhere. On the one hand, that makes life hard, navigating this society. But in another way, itās freeingā¦? Like Iām not even really trying to fit anymore. Iām trying to find my own way to tolerate existence. And if anyone has an issue with that, I can now point to a diagnosis that says sorry asshole, youāre wrong, this is what I have and this is how I need to manage it.
The only other thing I can think of is finding ways to reduce life stress and getting my life more stable. Iām lucky to live with my parents so I donāt have to worry so much about basic survival things. But I used to think Iād have to move out eventually, and so I was pushing myself too hard with employment and what should I study etc. When my family and I finally realised how bad my depression problems were though, things got better. Realising they were happy and able to support me helped a lot. It was hard for me to accept that I needed that much help. Now I just need the welfare system to stop harassing me so I can smooth out other areas of my life.
Chelleybeans
(stuff about sexuality)
DestroyerMariko
You only need 4 items from the DSM or ICD criteria to have SPD fit as a diagnosis. If you tick off everything else, then yup, it might very well fit you. Also keep in mind that asexuality is not the same as lacking sexual drive, itās just about not feeling attracted to anyone, and similarly the schizoid criteria states having ālittle interestā (not necessarily zero) and āwith another personā which allows for solo sexual activity. You may get in the mood sometimes, but as you say, youāre not particularly interested in getting overly involved with anyone. Nothing about that rules out SPD on its own. Also remember, for every category of people, there can be exceptions.
caolan ware
i find that the āno sexā part of the criteria is often a bit too literal. i have spd and i have a very normal sex drive, i just donāt derive any meaning or joy from the act of sex. i think of it as like getting a massage or something, not as an interpersonal experience which is how most people understand it. i also HATE hearing about other peoples sex lives and donāt like talking about my own with friends ā for people with spd, sex seems to be tied with vulnerability, and thats something we struggle with a lot
DestroyerMariko
[ā¦]
Anyway, vulnerability might be one reason for a lot of schizoids, but a different one could be that if you canāt connect with the general excitement surrounding sex, the cultural obsession with it ends up being super boring. For me itās a bit like every time the latest sporting news is on TV, I have zero interest in sport but there it is being shoved in my face again, my god, move on to the weather already!! Iād rather change the channel or go off and make some tea than sit through a sport report, same as Iād rather tune out and leave when people are going on and on about sex and relationships.
jennync1989
I gave up looking for help. Idk if there is anything that can change me at this point. I just try to get by everyday. Luckily i have one person my bf of 8 years that is really the only person that knows me besides my parents and sister
DestroyerMariko
[ā¦]
Right now though if I had to define categories for my true self, itād probably be The Vaguely Motivated and The Overly Tired š
[ā¦] there have been some positives. Some of that is looking at the poor treatment outcomes, seeing how that explains my lack of success in therapy, and realising itās not my fault that I didnāt get any benefit despite how hard I tried. [ā¦] I think thatās a good thing. Iāve only given up on whatās not helpful to me, so now I can better explore what is. Sometimes you have to give up on one thing to be able to be open to the next.
Ted Master
(post about spiritual bullshit)
DestroyerMariko
Wikipedia includes BOTH the DSM 5 information AND the ICD criteria and more. Donāt believe the lies your teachers told you about Wikipedia, it actually is a better source than it tends to be given credit for, with a strong editorial process, and you can always check the references they list at the bottom of the articles if you want to check their validity.
[ā¦]
Labels exist for a reason. What everyone gets confused with is that labels shouldnāt be used to discriminate against people, nor should having a label make you feel like you have to conform. THOSE are the biggest potential missteps for labelling. There is nothing wrong with an accurate label otherwise, and so long as you havenāt been misdiagnosed, they can be incredibly helpful. Blindly disparaging labels helps no one, and can hinder our progress if we arenāt allowed to understand the scientifically studied factors contributing to our struggles.
[ā¦]
Pretending thereās a higher purpose for my existence certainly wonāt ā thatās magical thinking and grandiosity, which in large doses is a symptom of other psychological disorders, and I think Iāve got enough as it is with my SPD and depression, so Iāll pass.
[ā¦]
Side note: Buddhism and similar belief systems preach that the way to achieve āenlightenmentā is through detachment from the world, desires, cravings, etc. Jokes on them, I already am detached and it turns out itās a personality disorder! š Achieving anhedonia is not enlightenment, and more attempts to āclear my mindā or whatever are probably the exact opposite of what I should be doing. I need to find ways to get re-involved with life, not further separate myself on some spiritual goose chase. SPD is very different to things like the anxiety and depression experienced by normal people where they probably do need to stop, take a look at their thoughts, and see through any cognitive distortions theyāre experiencing. But instead of spirituality woo, Iād recommend them evidence-backed therapies like CBT.
rushy scoper
actually DSM 5 only give a surface level understanding based on in depth studies and books, i would say the biggest source of information come from object relation theory.
also psychforums is good place to ask question.
DestroyerMariko
(in response to questions about talking to a camera and engaging with people)
[ā¦]
schizoids tend to do better onlineā¦ if you could see my real life, youād not be so sceptical haha
[ā¦]
Letās not get started on issues Iāve had at home with my family over the years, Iāll just say itās gotten better as weāve come to understand my mental health issues and as Iāve learned how to socialize better etc
[ā¦]
Thatās not your fault of course, Iām just frustrated with it lol. All this time being made to feel like I just wasnāt trying hard enough to fight my depression when all along there was more to it than that, and not knowing until now because of this exact attitudeā¦ :|
MindMasteryās questionable series on schizoid personality
Schizoid Personality Disorder vs CPTSD 2019/05/13
Sean
Damnit biology. You are so incredibly attractive. Iām schizoid and this happens all the time. I have no interest in dating women, yet when I see someone who is attractive, I feel sick to my stomach because I want to merge with their mind and body. Itās like an irresistible compulsion that Iām constantly trying to fight off. Dating would be impractical because what Iām wanting is something that is too cosmic in scale to achieve in this reality. It rips my mind to shreds just thinking about it.
I sometimes wish I could cut off my biological instincts because of how painful and torturous they are. I have similar reactions to food and sleep. A disconnect from body paradoxically mixed with an ethereal longing for connection that seems nearly impossible to achieve.
This is the source of all that makes me schizoid.
āSchizoid PD: Behind The Wallā
landrytheraccoon
In the schizoid world, love is never a feeling, it is always a set of conscious choices. Kind of weird, isnāt it? But comforting to know youāre not alone. The weird part is that you donāt crave other people, per se, but there is still an inescapable loneliness in the disorder. Wish all the best for you and your family, I know it isnāt easy.
thestoneddog
I feel like i avoid relationships not because I feel like relationships are some kind of threat but because I have a hard time imagining that any relationship will be more rewarding that the effort needed to find and maintain said relationships. I will say i definitely hate being the center of attention to the point i will usually avoid anything that might cause people to notice me like getting a haircut most of the time i just want to not be noticed in any way good or bad.
Indigo
For many years I tried to change these traits but, honestly, itās just too much work. I then started a process of acceptance and just addapt my expectations to the limitations I have. This was the only thing that gave me a sense of inner peace and fulfillment. Itās almost like a spiritual thing. You know, accepting life as it is. You have to let go of many hopes, expectations and wishes. Itās not easy and Iām still working on it. Letās see if I can become like a budha or something, or maybe just end up as a frustrated old man, only time will tell.
Blake TruelĆøve
@Indigo Wyvern Create! Anything. Find some way to express yourself.
Henry McKinney
life is only defined by the person living it, there is no good, bad, evil. Its all a perception that society and our first 7 years of life has programmed into us. I wish the best for your acceptance as I am also going through the same thing, I think acceptance is the key to opening the door to live a fulfilling life
Chi Loch
I feel U 1000% us schizoids are just spiritual and will eventually discover spiritually sooner or later , we just Tryna protect our energy so that why I call it a gift not a ādisorderā and acceptance and awareness is key
Indigo
@Chi Loch makes sense, I consider myself very spiritual, even though Iām agnostic and I donāt believe in any specific religion.
E Jones (female)
I donāt know how, but Iāve managed to have a long-term marriage, although itās been really hard. Family functions are unbearable to me and I havenāt managed to be able to form a real relationship with any of those family members. Aside from one childhood friend and my husband, the only people Iāve ever liked are my kids (ed. itās weird for a schizoid to have children, but for women itās such a strong push that comes from biology, read e.g. Umberto Galimberti). I really love them and have formed a very tight bond and that has brought happiness to my life. It is hard now that theyāre older and want to bring their friends into my life. Iām grateful that they didnāt inherit my issues and that they think Iām ānormalā enough to want their friends around me though. I think being slightly more attractive than the average person has been my only saving grace. Otherwise Iād have been too weird and off putting to form any relationships that didnāt involve my children or animals (which I love and bond well with). (ed. for the male, other than the relational issues coming from his schizoid personality, he also has to face those coming from the āmarketā of sexual liberalism; 1 + 1 = sentimental relationships for most schizoid/avoidant males are pure utopia)
Eimaj Smiv
[ā¦] Iāve been in therapy for 3 years and also training to be a counsellor
(ed. lol, typical: male therapists are sick themselves and they choose this career to see what they can do about themselves; female therapists choose this career either randomly or because their gender push them towards human-related fields of study), so I have done a great deal of work on it (ed. schizoid personality) but its roots are strong.
B. GĆ³mez
Yep hahaha it is a performance. Iām super good at giving talks and speaking in public, but thatās mostly a learned skill, an over-reaction triggered by childhood experiences: I had extreme social anxiety back then and I learned how not to.
I remember one time, when I was 6, a teacher in school sent me to give some papers to another teacher in the classroom next to oursā¦Needless to say, I found the task extremely terrifiying. Knocking on the door and later exposing myself to the attention of 50 kids was a BIG ānoā. So there I was, standing in front of the door for 10min, papers in my hand, eyes pouring.
Eventually the teacher came to see why I was taking so long and ended up forcing me to enter the class and give the papers with her, crying and all. Iām sure she had good intentions, she wanted to āmake me learnā, but I percieved that as a form of āpublic shamingā as everybody saw that I was so extremely shy and that I was crying. Itās been 16yrs since that day, Iām a grown up man with my shit together mostly and I still remember the kids faces as if it was yesterday. ( And YES, I am an artist/illustrator and yes, Iām a pretty āspirirualā person)
Will Imagine
I feel like the coping mechanisms (CP) weāve all learned to employ at some stage in our lives in response to perceived stressors are just that, coping mechanisms, something that I think many humans need to remind themselves about when theyāre reflecting on those coping mechanisms otherwise, at least as Iāve noted with past CPās the āegoā or whatever weāre going to refer to it as will interpret it as a part of its identity. Its almost as if we need to become a kind of rebel against CPās, which can create a cycle of generating CPās to take down other internal CPās that were initially invented for the external environment but now are slowly only existing for internal purposes until such a time in which that cat and mouse game ends and perhaps thatās something akin to an increasingly greater liberation for the ātrue selfā, something that I think is just a slogan and has the potential to be a CP itself if people arenāt careful, but yeah whether true self or just greater equilibrium for the human as a biology not for the person themselves (given the person themselves is not necessarily the best at determining what and who they are given various types of CPās as objectivity becomes increasingly difficult).
This is Michael Nicholas by the way[ā¦]
Dave Dogge
thanks for describing me. I understand the development reasons āwhyā I turned out like this and they are sound. Thankfully I turned out to be very creative and I can read people and situations like a book and quite profoundly which serves me well. One of the negatives is of course the āmissing out on many of the things in normal lifeā; conflict avoidance is the priority.
Mike Baker
(because I just love his profile picture, which by the way reminds me of Waking Life)
I want to expand on the good points in this video (I have a schizoid diagnosis.)
I think that your initial description of defense mechanisms protecting the true self is accurate, but I would recommend listeners not over-emphasize the ābeing hurt by othersā so much that it seems similar to an Avoidant PD. The description in this video is definitely on the milder scale of the Schizoid symptoms.
One of the DSM points for Schizoid is indifference to praise and criticism from others. In my personal experience, that indifference is alot deeper and intrinsic than most people realize. It is not a hardening against criticism like you see in others when they express apathy as a defense. The dissociation and indifferent attachment is such that I donāt consider what people think about me most of the time.
So it is true that people and relationships generally pose an existential threat to the Schizoid in my experience, but that threat is a guaranteed attack against the autonomy of the True Self rather than a potential danger to it (like you see in anxious PDs).
The inability to fully experience attachment and pleasure practically removes all positive feelings from the Schizoidās interaction with others so that there is no positive gain in being around other people. This largely removes the possibility of any risk/reward calculation from the True Selfās toolbox when it comes to relationships.
So, being around others is the trigger in itself because the threats to Self are ones of increased alienation, tediousness, and loss of autonomy rather than any potential danger a particular interaction might pose.
ā¦I think this lack of risk/reward calculation when it comes to relationships (coupled with the indifference to praise or criticism) creates a chicken-or-the-egg cycle with personal interaction as these things both cause the Schizoid social isolation and make the Schizoid really terrible at socializing.
Why would you engage in a pursuit that you are hopeless at where even the rare successes donāt seem to give you a positive internal experience? For me, this is the most common explanation for remaining in solitude.
10:25 This conscious awareness of the exposure of the true self is very perceptive. That definitely happens, but I would submit that the Schizoid is likely hiding that True Self to protect it from external control from the other or for pragmatic reasons to avoid tedious social complications. 10:50 Iām not sure a Schizoid can consciously understand shame the way that other people describe that experience. 12:30 This āpeople pleasing cycleā is definitely a thing. I would say that another motive for people pleasing in Schizoids is that self-interest motives are underdeveloped because pleasure sensation is so low. You end up sacrificing because you feel indifferent to the outcome but the other person really cares alot. You donāt get enjoyment out of self-directed pursuits so you get some vicarious satisfaction in creating what you lack in others.
15:30 I would agree with the speculative points made in the third trigger. The difficulties can definitely be overcome by performance for the few high-functioning Schizoids with the inclination (using social mimicry skills similar to how a sociopath can be superficially charming and display good leadership skills.)
Ultimately, this performance cannot be maintained indefinitely. All social interaction is exhausting and invasive so burnout is more pronounced than normal. Also, the performance becomes an existential threat as the Schizoidās awareness that True Self autonomy has been surrendered and an alien False Self identity has grown out of the performance mask.
18:30 I am a Schizoid under-achiever because my goals are totally different from what is ānormalā. There is no perceived value in praise or achievement in the social world. I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself and internal expression of my True Self is sufficient and requires no witness. I make music in an empty room. I produce art that no one else will see. I decorate my home lavishly and hope I never have to entertain anyone.
The Schizoid is keenly aware of the autonomy costs inherent in all socializing. From my point of view, relationships donāt seem to threaten the True Self but constrain it.
21:35 Schizoids are naturally predisposed to stoic and existentialist philosophies as both are highly compatible with their natural affinity for True Self autonomy. It is very easy for a Schizoid to identify with religious and spiritual disciplines that shun passion in favor of observation, self-sacrifice, and hermeticism.
While emotions and empathy are suppressed, Schizoids keenly identify with the ideas of āThe Otherā as they exist in a state of alienation with the world around them.
One piece of advice for Schizoidsā¦
I would encourage fellow Schizoids to explore emotional self-improvement and having at least some limited relationshipsā¦ even professional therapy as needed (which I have done.) Even if it seems like a waste of time, there is a very good and pragmatic reason for this.
The Schizoid personality is very unique and not as debilitating as many disorders, but the split in the True Self is real and it greatly reduces psychological resiliency to trauma. I consider it a disorder even when I donāt think there is anything wrong because it is the emotional equivalent of an autoimmune disease. The very psychological systems that would tell you something is wrong arenāt really working well enough for you to be consciously aware of them.
Low emotional awareness, low emotional expression, lack of social support structures, and isolation all greatly impair psychological self care. This only matters because self care is essential to psychological health in humans.
Schizoids need to focus on self care more than most people because pleasure sensation is so muted and emotional warning signs of impending distress are completely obscured in the subconscious. Diligant self awareness and training is required to balance that deficit.
This is important because Schizoids have an elevated risk of psychotic episodes when under extreme stress. It is very easy for a Schizoid to totally miss the warning symptoms of stress and not have anyone around to point out the external signs of degraded psychological function.
(ed. I can confirm this whole paragraph)
These psychotic episodes are sudden and unpleasant. It is something a Schizoid should seek to avoid by becoming an expert in self-care and avoiding potential traumas where possible. For the Schizoid, these self-care steps will require some moderation of the isolationist instinct.
Mike Baker
@Julian II I can only speak for myself on these topics.
I feel like the incoherence in the True Self that a Schizoid faces really does produce a unique perspective (hence part of why it sits in the āeccentricā PD cluster). How each Schizoid tackles this internal struggle is probably unique and makes each Schizoidās perspective highly individualized.
For me, adopting a classic Persona identity in relating with the world has always been existentially threatening for as long as I can remember. The well-known stereotype of Schizoid harsh bluntness would suggest that I am not alone in this regard.
I think tackling this Persona challenge has made me very sensitive to the subtle expectations other individuals and social structures place on the Self. In a sense, this experiential isolation we all know to exist between people is a philosophical category that I can never shake from my awareness. I think the Schizoid PD exacerbates this by locking away the emotional and relational lubricant that obscures this alienation for most people in day to day interactions.
You make some interesting speculations about the Schizoids attraction to the counter-normative fringe. In my experience, it is almost like the Schizoid cannot fully grasp normative groups so we cannot āknowā them in any deep experiential way.
Personal experience forces the Schizoid to accept that groups and cultural norms obviously exist, but (for me) the non-attachment is so pervasive that such things seem very arbitrary and illusionary. I donāt think the Schizoid generally tries to be countercultural but gravitates to marginalized groups because their low population density and influence suit the Schizoidās pragmatic desire for isolation.
While not impossible, I think it is too far to go from a Schizoidās daily worldview for them to fully embrace an ideological position that is uncompromisingly collectivist and conceptually arbitrary (like nationalism). I feel like my previous comment on the struggles of Persona and skepticism for social expectations sufficiently explains the reasons for that.
Jay-Cās Setting The Record Straight Podcast
She (ed. Joanna Zbroniec-Chimenti) thinks people are supposed to be open books and share their thoughts with everyone. Itās ridiculous.
[ā¦] āSchizoid Disorderā is a catalist for cultural change. [ā¦]
cerwile1
There is an evolutionary purpose, but it is in the past, not the future. In tribal days your culture would have only a couple hundred people in it, so one schizoid, who sees the culture from the outside can change it. Nowadays we have a global culture, and those who would change it are labeled ādisorderedā. In the past the reclusive schizoid would be the shaman or the wise hermit, now weāre just seen as crazy recluses.
Also see āField of viewā (page from my old diary)
Jay-Cās Setting The Record Straight Podcast
I am sorry but you are just wrong. There is no ātrue self.ā We are who we are. I know how I feel. I just donāt feel the need to share it with others. What you need to understand is that schzoids are highly self-aware and self-reflective. We spend most our time thinking. Weāre far more self-aware than most people.
Mike Baker
These occasional emotional states are not like a manic cycle. They are generally negative. I have two theories about this experience:
- These episodes are actually not objectively extreme at all but SEEM extreme to the mind who is used to having all emotions muted. This could be a slipping of the True Self split that separates the emotional life of the Schizoid from their conscious awareness. In that moment, the Schizoid might experience ānormalā emotional awareness. Such a thing would be very distressing to someone not used to the volatility inherent in emotions.
- As I stated in another comment, the low emotional awareness of Schizoids makes them numb to the red flags of stress. Stress emotions bubble up suddenly out of context or are only identified after the fact. In extreme stress, Schizoids have a statistically elevated risk of psychotic episodes.
Alexandru Gheorghe
I can relate to this. For example, I went out yesterday evening and while Iām longing for intimacy I also have this impossible almost like barrier to overcome if Iād go to someone and become vulnerable but watching other people being together (groups of friends or couples) makes me charge from them negatively and it will bubble inside into internal stress/anger/fury/self hatred. Especially since, for me, for example, I was turned down by a girl who Iāve asked out (it was very hard to stay with the blown out of proportions anxiety but I did it and made myself vulnerable to her) so this didnāt help much. However, when listening to classical music I can translate these feelings into that piece of music.
Morning Coffee
I hate it when people misunderstand my facial expression. I tried my best to be as normal as I possibly can but most of the time I come off as being egoistic and insincere, which I totally understand because I have trouble connecting with people, but Iām definitely not egoistic. I donāt want people to like me or hover around me. I just want to live normally without being misunderstood or having to try hard to fit in. That is why I love animals so much. You get what you give.