The Fire Within (Le feu follet / Fuoco fatuo) – Louis Malle
– You still have feelings of anxiety?
– It’s not feelings of anxiety, Doctor. It’s a single feeling of constant anxiety.
[…]
– A matter of willpower.
– A contradiction, Doctor. How can you talk about my willpower? That’s where my sickness lies. That’s what you’re treating.
✻
– You turn your back. You reject adulthood. You’re stuck in adolscence. Hence your anxiety.
[…]
– You’re tormented by the idea of women.
– I have no power over them.
– That’s a laugh.
– I was handsome at 20. They still find me fun and nice. But it’s not enough. I have no hold on them. And yet, it’s only through women that I’ve felt some hold on life.
It’s not life itself I blame, but what’s contemptible in it.
– How did all this start? If I knew, maybe I could help you.
– Alcohol was in my blood before I realized it.
– What do you mean?
– I started to drink while waiting for things. Then, one day, I realized I’d spent my life waiting. For women. Money. Action. So I drank myself stupid.
– But you had Dorothy, and a lot of others.
– I never had them. I don’t have them now.
– You’ve got Dorothy. You don’t have to sleep with her to prove it.
– I don’t. I wasn’t a good lover.
– She fled your drinking.
– I drink because I’m a bad lover!
– Funny lives we lead, clinging to women.
– You don’t seem to cling to Fanny.
– …I wallow in her warmth like a pig in a trough.
✻
– I can’t reach out with my hands. I can’t touch things. And when I do touch things… I feel nothing.
[…]
I’m incapable of wanting…
I can’t even desire! The women here tonight… I can’t desire them. They scare me. […] Take Solange, for instance. Five minutes with her, and I’d feel like an insect. I’d vanish into the woodwork!
✻
– Solange… you’re life itself. Yes, life. But I can’t touch you. It’s horrible. You’re here in front of me, but there’s no way.
So… I’ll try with Death. She should be more accommodating.
[…]
To live without having touched anything… Beauty. Goodness. All their lies.
– […] You know, things well done.
– That’s it. “Things well done”…
I’m leaving.